How to Support Families Affected by Addiction Without Shame or Blame with S. Jeff Jones
How to Support Families Affected by Addiction Without Shame or Blame
As therapists, we often see clients who are deeply impacted by addiction, whether they’re the ones struggling or they have a loved one who is. But what happens when the addiction isn’t the presenting problem? What if it’s quietly shaping the emotional, relational, and even physical dynamics of the client sitting in front of us?
In a recent episode of The Therapy Show, I had the pleasure of speaking with Jeff Jones, therapist, coach, coach, author, and creator of a coaching-based model for family recovery. Jeff’s book, Rethinking Addiction: The New Family Recovery Solution, challenges the traditional, often shame-based approach to addiction and invites us to view recovery through a more compassionate, systemic lens.
The Problem with Traditional Models
Jeff grew up in a family impacted by addiction and later became a therapist working with families and individuals dealing with substance use. He shared how frustrating it can be to see addiction framed so narrowly in clinical spaces - where the focus is almost always on “the addict” and the family is treated as a secondary or even enabling problem.
That kind of black-and-white thinking, he argues, doesn’t help. In fact, it can drive families further into secrecy, shame, and disconnection.
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A New Approach: Enabling Health
One of the most powerful takeaways from our conversation was Jeff’s reframing of the word “enabling.” In the recovery world, “enabling” is often used negatively = implying that families are making things worse. Jeff flips that idea on its head.
He teaches families to enable health instead of enabling addiction. Through a structured three-phase model, Jeff guides clients in building healthier relationships - with themselves, with their loved one in addiction, and with their broader family system.
The Three Phases:
- Enable Health Within Yourself – Understanding your nervous system, mindset, and nutrition as foundational tools for resilience.
- Enable Health in the Relationship – Learning new ways to interact with the addicted loved one, without falling back into harmful patterns.
- Enable Health in the Family System – Looking at how your family “does family” and identifying opportunities for more supportive dynamics.
Tools for Therapists
For those of us in the therapy space, Jeff’s work is a reminder that addiction often lives in the background of our sessions—undetected but influential. He encourages us to shift from trying to “fix” the addict to helping family members reclaim their own agency and wellness.
He also emphasized the importance of both/and thinking - holding space for multiple truths, such as feeling gratitude that a loved one is alive while also fearing for their future. This more nuanced perspective invites greater compassion and collaboration in the healing process.
Final Thoughts
Addiction recovery isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. And the same goes for family healing. Whether you’re a therapist, a coach, or someone navigating the effects of addiction in your own family, I hope this episode offers hope and a path forward.
You can pre-order Jeff’s book, Rethinking Addiction, and grab his free resource on enabling health via the links in the show notes. Trust me - it’s worth checking out.
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