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Family Estrangement, Cultural Shifts, and the Therapist’s Role: A Deep-Dive Conversation with Dr. Joshua Coleman

Family estrangement is quietly becoming one of the most significant—and misunderstood—issues showing up in therapy rooms today. Yet despite the increasing number of parents and adult children wrestling with cutoff, reconciliation, and generational conflict, very few clinicians feel equipped to navigate it with confidence.

In a recent episode of The Therapy Show, I sat down with psychologist, author, and leading expert Dr. Joshua Coleman to explore the roots of estrangement, how cultural attitudes have shifted over time, and how therapists can more ethically and effectively support families seeking repair.

Whether you're a seasoned therapist, a newer clinician, or simply curious about the growing cultural conversation around estrangement, this episode offers essential insight into a complex and emotionally charged topic.

Why Dr. Coleman Specializes in Estrangement: A Personal Story

Like many therapists, Dr. Coleman’s professional focus began with something deeply personal. He shares openly that his interest in estrangement grew out of his own painful two-year cutoff from his adult daughter decades ago.

At the time, he was following therapeutic advice he later realized was misguided—a moment many parents experience even today. The journey toward repair gave him not only empathy for the parents he now supports, but clarity about the void in resources and guidance available to families.

“I realized there was a big need for people to have a certain kind of guidance around this topic that just wasn’t out there.”

That realization led him to years of research, webinars, parent groups, and ultimately his widely respected books, including Rules of Estrangement.

How Cultural Values Have Shifted—And Why It Matters in the Therapy Room

One of the most fascinating parts of our conversation centers on the massive cultural shift in how we relate to parents, expectations of family loyalty, and even the definition of “harm.”

For centuries, family norms were guided by obligation:

• Respect your elders

• Stay connected

• Support your parents as they age

But as Dr. Coleman explains, the rise of individualism dramatically reshaped that framework. Today the prevailing message - especially for younger generations is:

• Protect your peace

• Protect your mental health

• Set strong boundaries

• Cut off “toxic” people

And while boundaries can be healthy and life-saving in certain situations, the pendulum swing toward “cutoff as self-care” has contributed to what Dr. Coleman calls a “silent epidemic.”

Therapists, social media influencers, and mental-health language on platforms like TikTok and Instagram have further accelerated this shift—sometimes in helpful ways, but often in ways that distort context, flatten nuance, and pathologize parents without assessment.

The Concept Creep Problem: Why More Clients Are Labeling Childhood Experiences as Trauma

Dr. Coleman discussed psychologist Nick Haslam’s research on “concept creep,” which describes how terms like trauma, abuse, harm, and neglect have broadened dramatically in the past 30 years.

Clients, and many therapists, are now applying these labels to behaviors that previous generations may have viewed as normal conflict, imperfection, or benign limitations.

This contributes to:

• Lower thresholds for defining harm

• Increased fear of repair

• Higher rates of estrangement

• Therapists unintentionally reinforcing cutoff

As Coleman notes, therapists have become “detachment brokers,” often encouraging emotional or relational separation when repair may be possible.

How Therapists Can Help Families Move Toward Repair (Instead of Reinforcing Cutoff)

Dr. Coleman offered several powerful insights for clinicians working with estranged families:

1. Invite context - not blame.

Understanding what a parent was navigating during key moments in the client’s childhood is crucial.
Context doesn’t excuse behavior, but it can soften the client’s self-blame and open doors to compassion.

2. Avoid the “your parent is a narcissist” trap.

Therapists must be cautious about assigning armchair diagnoses—something Coleman says is contributing to estrangements nationwide.

3. Remember: Estrangement affects the entire family system.

Cutoff impacts:

• siblings

• grandparents

• grandchildren

• extended family

• even future generations

Helping the client evaluate these ripple effects is essential.

4. When appropriate, reach out to parents.

Many parents are willing - eager, even - to repair, but have no skills or guidance.
They often need help writing letters of amends, navigating shame, and communicating in psychologically informed ways they never learned growing up.

5. Encourage parents to find the “kernel of truth.”

Whether or not the parent's experience aligns with the child’s perception, repair requires the parent to demonstrate:

• empathy

• responsibility

• openness

• willingness to grow

Clients (and sometimes therapists) underestimate how healing this can be.

Why More Therapists Are Seeing Estranged Families Than Ever Before

Coleman believes estrangement is rising for several reasons:

• Increased individualism

• Looser definitions of emotional harm

• Divorce and complex step-family structures

• Mental-health diagnoses influencing identity

• Social media’s encouragement of cutoff

• Therapists inadvertently reinforcing separation

Nearly every therapist he speaks with reports a surge in clients seeking help for parent-child disconnection, making this a vital area for continuing education.

Dr. Coleman’s Six-Hour CE Course on Family Estrangement

Yes, he does offer a CE course on this very topic.

Therapists learn:

• The major pathways to estrangement

• How to coach parents in writing letters of amends

• Repair strategies grounded in research

• Cultural dynamics shaping estrangement

• How to support adult children seeking reconnection

• Scripts, interventions, and case examples

This is truly a specialty area more clinicians will need as the problem continues to grow.

Where the Field Is Headed—and How Therapists Can Lead

Coleman believes the solution is not simply better boundaries, but a cultural shift toward relational responsibility, mutual compassion, and re-examining the promise that individual happiness is the highest good.

Research consistently shows:

The more we pursue our own happiness, the less happy we become.
Meaning and mental health come primarily from relationships—not isolation.

As therapists, helping clients understand this is part of the work.

Listen to the Full Episode

This conversation is layered, eye-opening, and incredibly valuable for therapists at any stage of practice.

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Final Thoughts

Family estrangement touches every layer of our work—attachment, identity, trauma, culture, parenthood, and healing. This episode with Dr. Coleman reminded me how important it is for therapists to move beyond trends and return to the heart of clinical practice:

Holding complexity, promoting repair, and helping clients build relationships that support long-term resilience.

If you found this topic helpful, please share this episode with a colleague or supervisee. This is a conversation our field needs to be having.

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or have thoughts of harming yourself or others, please contact a mental health professional, call 911, or go to the nearest emergency room immediately. You can also reach out to a crisis hotline, such as the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 in the United States, for immediate support.

Every individual’s journey is unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another. Please use discretion and seek appropriate care as needed.